My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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