if i can run in heels then i can drive
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
