the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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