how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
