nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
