This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
