for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
that may or may not have been my penis.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
