Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
