i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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