i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
