I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
