No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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