I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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