so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
