Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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