Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
