I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize