i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
