You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
