Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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