I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
