Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
