just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
