Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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