meet me or not, i'm out of control
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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