I hate your face
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
