i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
