i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
