I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
