There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
