well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
