but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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