if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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