Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
