But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
