I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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