you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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