I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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