do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
