If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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