so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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