i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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