i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
