porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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