I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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