I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
