so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
