i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
