we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
