If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
