This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
