It's a beautiful day for a hangover
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
